Friday, July 1, 2011

Questions


I remember a time when I was about 12 when I felt like my world was literally falling apart, suddenly crumbling around my shoulders.  I think maybe that's really when I started to realize that life is hard, but it's really hit me in the last year, and most dramatically within the past couple months.

It's not just my life.  I have an awesome life, full of awesome friends and awesome times.  Yes, there are hardships.  There are difficulties.  There's an especially major issue that I have to confront every single day.  God is good, however, and God provides.

So I'm not complaining.  But it's life in general that's hard.  The lives of those around me, and my relationships with people, our communication with each other, loss and pain and such and so on.

I guess it's just struck me recently how much I need to bring that stuff to Jesus.  Lay it at his feet, turn it over to him.  Because honestly, there are times I feel hopeless.  There are times when I am helpless, completely unable to help any situation.  There are times I don't understand.

I have questions.

One of my very best friends in the whole wide world is named Hannah--this beautiful girl.  I remember the day I first found out that her mom had cancer.  We were taking a worldview class together, and I was able to talk to her a little bit.  Things got better before they got worse.  We all had faith--we tried to, because honestly guys, sometimes it's hard.

Things got serious and Hannah's mom had been in and out of the hospital for the past few months.  My sister and I visited Hannah, talked to her, prayed for her, encouraged her.  On Sunday, Hannah's mom lost her two-year battle with cancer.  Jesus took her home, and she's in a much better place now.  But honestly, can anyone help but ask why?


Not that I don't trust God's plan, because I do.  But this isn't something that's supposed to happen to you or someone close to you.  This isn't something that Hannah--one of the most thoughtful, sensitive, caring, sweet, strong, beautiful-inside-and-out people I know--deserves.  Her youngest brother is only five for goodness' sake, and her sister has down syndrome.  To be without their mother now is heartbreaking.  My heart breaks for them.  I loved their mom.

The calling hours were yesterday.  I have never seen a family that is so strong.  I honestly don't know how they did it--well, I guess I do...God was with them.  The funeral was today.  I skipped the missions/VBS/camp-type thing I would have volunteering at in order to be there for Hannah, and as sad as I was not to be there, I'm glad I did it.  Hannah was supposed to be working the camp with me, but her world was just rocked and turned upside down.  I personally came home to the news Sunday night after a full and exhausting week of working trapshoots and then helping out at a wedding before plunging myself into a place where I'm constantly reminded that Hannah is missing.

And when I say that Hannah's mom "lost her battle with cancer"...I mean, she didn't lose, did she?  She won the ultimate battle--she fought the good fight.  And now, no matter how hard it is for us to cope with missing her down here, she's in such a better place.

Yes, I have questions.  I wonder why.  I'm not ashamed of it--it's human.  I have to keep bringing it to Jesus, and I'm so grateful that Hannah's family knows that they can too.  But it's hard.  Death is hard.

Life is hard.

Would you be so good as to say a prayer for Hannah's family?  I'm sure they could use all they can get.

5 comments:

  1. Did you really realize that life was hard at 12? I think I was disillusioned, thus it took me longer to figure out.
    But yes. Life is hard. Death is hard. And finding the joy in between can be really hard too.

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  2. I'm praying. May the Lord envelop them all in His love, warmth and care. You're a good friend.

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  3. Yeah, I know what that "suddenly it hit me" feeling. When my adopted Grandma died and I went up to say a few words about her I bawled my eyes out...
    Oh, I am so sorry. :( I will be praying for you all. *Hugs to you all! You are in my prayers.
    <3
    Elisa

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  4. I'm so sorry! Praying for you all.

    Katie

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  5. Sadly I missed the calling hours, but I've been praying.

    ~Elijah

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