Tuesday, September 20, 2011

How Many Times

 
entering this photo of my beeeaUtiful friend Ruthie into "a touch of sun" photo challenge at iheartfaces.
isn't her hair the most unfair thing you have ever seen in your life??


I wonder why it is that my poetic inspirations always strike at roughly 1am.  Hmm.  I need to work on the coordination of that a little.


Also, with the prodding of my sister, I wrote chords to this and made into a song.


Thoughts, anyone?



How many times have I curled in a ball
Watching and waiting as the world falls
On my shoulders
Like an eight-ton boulder

How many days have I stood in the rain
Under the hurt and the fear and the pain
As tears and rain mingle
And I wait for one single

Day
To wipe away
The stains and the scars
With which my heart is marred

How many nights have I cried until sleep
Morning brings reminder, not relief
From the confusion
Is it just an illusion?

How many times have I turned numb
Knowing I need something—Someone
But it’s too great a cost
I’m alone and I’ve lost

My mind
I need to find
My way through this mess
But I only can guess

How many cases have I caved in
Bruised and battered and torn by my sin
And my heart breaks
How long can I fake?

How many hours have I wished it gone
Known to get up, push forward, go on
My strength fails
I just want to bail

And sigh
Time ticks by
Wasted and forgotten
Riddled with my questions

How many moments have I asked You why
As I struggle and flail and bitterly cry
You stand in place
Tears stream down Your face

How many instances have I been so blind
“Those who seek—they will find”
Yet I fail to see
Wrapped up only in me

Myself
Soon there’ll be none left
But my struggles and wars
I can’t fight anymore

How many times has the fear held me tight
Gasp and grasp and reach as I might
How many times have I pushed You away
Because I refused to see the light of the day
And the guilt gives no rest
Though I’m trying my best
Pain won’t set me free
I can’t seem to see
I’m losing, I’m losing, I feel so alone
I’m lost, tired, broken, in need of a home
And—

You touch me—that is all
But it’s enough to break my fall

How many times have you lifted my eyes
To yours and they take me by surprise
Filled with love and tears
You never left all those years

How many times have you shown me your grace
As you wipe the tears from off of my face
You didn’t give up on me
And now I can see

At last
Pain’s not past
But you whisper a bet:
“Darling, there is hope yet”

12 comments:

  1. She is seriously beautiful - that hair...I agree.

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  2. This is gorgeous! Her hair + that lovely light? beautiful!

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  3. she is stunning.

    the combination of the light and her hair...a truly gorgeous shot!

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  4. I want her hair! It's amazing! However, your poem/song was even more amazing! I wish I could write like that! Great job! Love it!

    borrowingphotographs.blogspot.com

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  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  6. Sorry about that (i'm new to blogging)!
    I just happened to find your blog. I LOVE it!
    Come check out mine!
    {Rebekah Brielle}

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  7. So lovely! for me, poetry is frustrating but highly rewarding--I love it and hate it at the same time. Love your writing!
    ~Simi

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  8. Okay so. First: the picture is gorgeous, second: the song is seriously awesome, and third: I want to hear it sung? Is that... forthcoming?

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  9. Welllll here's the thing: my beautiful old piano is out of tune, and has broken strings, and altogether doesn't sound all that hot. So I may record my song someday, but perhaps not until I have an instrument that sounds a bit better.

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  10. Here's the comment you wanted. This is fantastic. Thought provoking, and very Tenth Avenue Northish. Keep writing. *watching you*

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  11. I want to here you play this song. Yes, as Isaac said you have good influence. I find myself looking to T.A.N. when I write as well!

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