Monday, September 30, 2013
in the eye of the storm
There are so many things I want to write about and yet how to isolate a single swirling thought long enough to capture it on the page?
I love telling people that "oh, I think I have rehearsal that night" because I love talking about Les Mis and I love this ridonkulously talented cast and I love getting to pour my heart into singing and acting out this story that I have loved for so long.
I love getting to say that I am a theatre major because not only holy moley gosh sakes I get to be a theatre major but also because when people ask me what I plan to do with that degree I love telling them that I have no clue but I'm not worried in the slightest. Because I didn't plan on studying theatre, and there's no way I would be even now if some things hadn't fallen out of place and other things fallen into place and if it hadn't been a God thing and he hadn't opened up a lot of opportunities and so guess what? If he has me here, he can figure it out and use me however he wants.
I like working at the statehouse for the House of Representatives. It's weird, but I do. I enjoy getting to know people here, and the connections, and running into people I met during my internship. I love how people call me "Jennnnnnifer" and how people I don't even know ask if I'm "the girl who spills coffee."
I really really love going to church. I went to church Sunday morning and then crankily went with Cassie to her friends' church Sunday night, but sitting there I was just thinking wowow church is so good. Not flawless, definitely. But it has just struck me more and more recently how important church is because, well, it's biblical, but also because God works through it so so much. There is hardly an inapplicable message to me these days, and I'm not sure if that's God's sense of humor or what.
I am so indebted, so in awe of, so grateful for the faithfulness of my Jesus. I could expand on that for days, but seriously, my Savior just blows my mind.
I love going to shows with my family (Cirque de Soleil and Jersey Boys, recently!). I love exploring campus with Grant (comfy chairs and rooftop gardens, yeah buddy). I love taking my little sisters places and that my big sister comes home for weekends a lot still. I like going to sit in the closest coffeeshop to study until it gets dark and maybe make friends with the baristas, too.
It's funny how I can write that all out and it sounds like I do a lot, and yet when someone asks me about my life, I usually answer with oh, not much is happening. Perspective changes things.
Sometimes I feel very small, you know? Actually, to be honest, I feel small a lot. I feel like a little kid looking up at this big, confusing, complicated world, and I wonder where will I ever fit in? But every once in awhile I can take a step further back and realize that sometimes it's the good kind of small I'm feeling. Where I'm caught up in a grand adventure much vaster than I could imagine and definitely much bigger than myself. And those are the times when I get really excited for what God's doing, and really grateful that he's the one doing it, not me.
It's comforting sometimes to remember that I'm just a character in this story, not the author, not even the hero.