Monday, March 24, 2014

stepping off the cliff


"I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature." -Jane Austen
From Northanger Abbey.  Me me me me me.  It's not always a good thing, but if I'm in, I'm all in.  It's backfired, because when you're all in, it's a lot harder to backtrack.  But when my heart is in something, I'll give you all I've got.

"Worry is like the smoke alarm that tells you, 'You have taken ownership of things that don't belong to you. Give that back to God.'" -author unknown
I was never good at decision-making.  I keep it on the down-low, but when I'm stressed, I feel my stomach clench up in knots and I can't shake the feeling that I'm running out of time.  My mom always challenges me--"do you feel at peace about it?"--because Jesus gives peace and it's real.  And surrendering is something I have to do all the time, not just daily, but hourly--because it's obvious when I keep trying to take back control of things I've already given to him.

"When deep injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive. Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future." -Mary Karen Read
Forgiveness is a road I didn't expect to be so hard to walk down.  Mostly because I'd only ever expected to have to forgive people for wrongs they'd done directly against me.  I never thought about having to forgive for things people didn't mean to affect me, to forgive for things people did because of me, to forgive myself.

"Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no, it is an ever-fixèd mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken..."
-Shakespeare’s Sonnet 116
I've always loved this sonnet.  Learning a lot about what love is (and isn't).

"To be a witness does not consist in engaging in propaganda or even in stirring people up, but in being a living mystery; it means to live in such a way that one's life would not make sense if God did not exist." -Emmanuel Célestin Suhard
One thing I've noticed is that when you follow Jesus, there may be absolutely no one on your side.  People might think you're mad.  It's radical.  If I'm living a life that would make sense without God, what and who am I really living it for?

"People often want the benefits of a low-commitment relationship with a conveniently distant God...however, how you see yourself mirrors exactly what you believe about what Jesus has done." -Aaron Dailey
Amen amen amen.  It hurts me to see people who hit on their own self-worth when Jesus already paid the ultimate price for you because he thinks you're worth it.  We push God away because we feel unworthy.  Here's the thing: if you feel inadequate, it's because you are.  Here's the other thing: Jesus is not.

"It's not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What's hard, she said, is figuring out what you're willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about." -Shauna Niequist
This is the crossroads I'm at.  Choosing what I want to strive for, and marking well the sacrifices I will most assuredly have to make to get there.  It's terrifying and exhilarating and I can't believe sometimes that I've been trusted with the responsibility of these decisions for myself.  Little old me.  And that just goes back to that first quote.  Because being willing to go the whole distance for something or someone you care about--that's the choice you have to make.  Empty every bit of your heart out, step off that cliff.  That's what counts.

8 comments:

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  2. Ever since I watched the 95' "S&S" I have loved that sonnet, too! However how much that liking is influenced by the story in which I first heard it, I am not prepared to say. :) Second to last quote: I had never thought about that subject in that light before, very convicting. Last quote: So very simple and true, yet difficult to put into practice when you have a horse just begging to be ridden in the pasture and a story demanding to to be written at the same moment... that is where lists and timers come into their own. :) Anyway, thy choice of quotes was lovely and thy comments upon them, spot on!
    ~ Eowyn

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  3. Everything about this makes me very glad that you're my friend. :) I love all of these quotes.. and I love that you've always collected truths and treasured them in your heart.

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  4. Shawna Niequist is so so good. I love her and her writing so much.

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  5. Wow, it's so comforting to know that I'm not the only person who worries and ends up taking control of things I've already given up control to. Have a great day :)

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  6. Ugh, it's been far too long since I've commented on here, but once again you've got me. Jane Austen gets me every time! And that last quote is sososo true. Something I've discovered is that it's hard to have freedom sometimes -- choosing which direction I want my life to feels impossible at times. Then there's that quote about worry -- wow! I'm definitely guilty of stressing about the future, but I've also felt that peace. And it does cover all feelings of sanity and insanity and the rest of it. ;)

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  7. Wowwowwow. I saved this on my bloglovin feed cause I've been wanting to come back to it. So many good quotes and thoughts. So much to think about.
    " if you feel inadequate it's because you are...Jesus is not." Mhm. Yes.

    Thank you for this post. I'm going to be jotting some of these quotes down in my quote journal.

    Blessings!

    -Madi

    P.S. Thank you for your honesty. I love you. And your blog.

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