It's good to be home. Is it? Yes, I believe so. Coming home is an interesting concept, and familiarity can sometimes be comfortable and sometimes too comfortable. Life is so much bigger than some people seem to understand. Jesus is so much bigger than I can understand.
How do I sum up these past few weeks? Can I sum up these past few weeks? God has pushed me and challenged me and taught me and blessed me and showed me and moved me and loved me so much. As he is wont to do, but being aware of it is the most precious thing I could ask to experience in this world.
Somehow I feel like my heart has at least tripled in size over the course of these few weeks. I remember sitting in the van, in the dark, with quiet and thoughtful music playing, surrounded by my favorite people in Oklahoma (thus, ever), sitting happy and still and feeling like my insides could burst. I remember that contentment like it was yesterday and last year, a feeling that's recent enough to remain with me but distant enough to seem as if I've felt it for a long time. I remember winks and hugs and words and moments and laughs and friendships and repeating to myself the incredible purpose God has wherever he takes me, and marveling that repeating to myself was not a chore but an overflow of gratefulness, a reality.
If one can have a heart the size of Texas then I pray God give it to me to further my capacity to love and serve and feel and know and reach. And yet my capacities, my limitations, don't matter at all, except to point out that not being enough is the best place to be, because then all the better to see that Jesus only and always is enough.
Love God. Love others. Use good judgment. Such was our mantra and so I hope it will continue to be. And we confessed our lessons of reliance on God, not ourselves, which is hard and simple and profound and beautiful.
Coming home, I am not the same person--not just because of new friends or new memories or a new haircut. And I wouldn't have it another way--I don't ever want to be the same person Monday to Friday, becasue that means stagnancy and I crave growth. I want that outside of new experiences as well. I want that coming home.
It's not over. It's not over yet.