Unoriginal Originality

my hero & my camera

2012-02-26T13:20:00.000-05:00

I have a confession to make. I've never owned a camera in my life. Well, unless you could those disposable ones I used to carry around when I was eleven. But nope, not even a simple point-and-shoot. The photos you've seen on my blog have been taken with my mom's Fujifilm. It's a nice camera, and honestly, I regularly use it more than she does.

I'm not one of those people who can say in their bio that ever since a camera landed in my hands for the first time when I was eight, I knew what I wanted to do with my life blah blah blah. When I was little, I thought I wanted to be an interior designer. (This is why half of me still sighs when I think of decorating a future house.) And of course, before that, my goal in life was to get married when I was seventeen and have a thousand babies. I kid you not--my mom can testify to this fact. Thank goodness my plans have changed.

But over the past several years, I started borrowing my mom's camera more and more. Photo shoots with friends became normal with me, but to tell the truth, I had absolutely no clue what I was doing. I shot in auto, and I couldn't have told you what aperture was or how my shutter speed would affect my photograph. I just did it for fun, and I loved it.

Fifteen months ago, I started a blog. I discovered photographers, and I wanted to learn to do that--to take good photographs. I switched that camera into manual mode and began messing around with settings. I learned from people like Ruthie, who has honestly been a huge inspiration to me. (disclaimer: the reason you have heard about Ruthie a lot on my blog is because she is my hero. the end.)

Well, I've been saving up for a camera for a long, long time. And then even when I had saved up enough, it took me a long, long time to decide what I wanted. But finally, on Tuesday, a very good day in the life of Jenn, my camera arrived. It is a Canon Rebel T3i, and I love it. (it still needs a name, however. suggestions?) Ironically, I didn't get my memory card until two days after my camera, so I was forced to stare at it longingly without taking any pictures with it. When my card finally came as well, I was ecstatic.

Firsts are rather big with me, so I was determined to take a grand first photo with my brand spankin' new camera. The following photo in this post is that first one. I am satisfied. And then Cassie and I had a wee little photo shoot in the front yard directly (all photos in this post are from that little session).

Friday I went over to Ruthie's house, and we had another wee little photo shoot. There were two problems with this plan. One: it was already getting dark. Two: it was freezing. We had been having this rather mild weather, so we figured that when we went out into an open field in our dresses and cardigans, we'd be totally fine, right? Wrong.

The wind was whipping up a storm, and of course then it decided to snow as well. Our fingers went numb more than once and we were forced to scurry back to the heated car more than once to thaw them. But it was adventurous, that's for sure. Oh, and Ruthie posted the few good photos here, if you want to see them. In fact, please oh please go look, and please oh please comment on Ruthie's little post, because it would make her day, and consequently make my day, and then of course make your day (this it totally how life works, right?). And I'll give you...hmm....seven extra brownie points each for doing so. ;)

Yesterday, after spending the night with Ruthie, I went to a wedding with her. To photograph it. As her second shooter. Yes, I shot my first wedding! It was small and simple, and it went very smoothly, and I listened to whatever Ruthie dear told me to do, and kept taking pictures until I was quite hungry and begging my friend Zach (who was attending the wedding) to steal bread sticks for me. I am so, so grateful for the experience (have I ever mentioned that Ruthie is my hero? oh, shooting with her is so much fun).

I spent the remainder of the evening at Chipotle with Ruthie and Zach, all of us being very tired and very funny, if I do say so myself. And oh, this is getting long. But need I say it? I am thrilled to have my own camera at last. Thrilled. Already it has been put to good use, and I daresay it will continue to. (And I really do want name suggestions.) ;)

sun and snow and love and hope

2012-02-20T16:44:00.000-05:00

Sunny snowy days? Hello gorgeous. Here in my neck o' the woods, we don't see that all too often. It is an occasion to be celebrated.

And photographed.

entering this in lucia's bl ack & white love challenge.

One of my favorite quotes/expressions about love is from the musical Les Miserables. (Are you surprised?)

to love another person is to see the face of God.

It's the last line of the musical, besides a reprise. God is love, friends. God is love.

You know that feeling when you have so much going on in your life that you just can't write? Or the feeling that you have so much going on but so little is happening? It's overwhelming, and yet it's stifling at the same time.

I'm learning to love hope. As in, love the hope that hope gives. Hope in hope. Cling to it. Lean on it. Hope in Jesus. I have this verse on the wall above my bed:

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

I went on a scavenger hunt through the Bible and tried to find a gazillion verses on hope. That one stood out to me especially.

I have nothing coherent to say, except that I feel like I need an old-fashioned notebook and pen to write and write and write with abandon. The only problem is that I'm not quite sure what I want to write about.

I want to fly away. Or at least get away and read for a little bit. But my reading these days is limited to college textbooks and facebook statuses, both of which get rather old after awhile. I need me a good book. I need me time to read a good book. I need to read the good Book.

I must get time to think, but I must make sure not to over-think. There's such a fine balance between the two, you know?

Life can be a strange thing sometimes. Oh, it's beautiful, but man can it be strange.

ps--but speaking of beautiful, will somebody please obsess with me over the Downton Abbey season finale? pleasepleaseplease?!

it was SO good. I was waiting for a dreadful cliffhanger, but it was perfect. bam.

Matthew = ♥. Matthew + Mary = ♥♥♥ at last.

when Matthew went at that rat of a Sir Richard, I started cheering, loudly. and the best line ever:

Sir Richard: "I'm leaving in the morning. I doubt we'll meet again."

the Dowager Countess: "Do you promise?"

she's my hero. (: thoughts??

pin me

2012-02-17T11:23:00.000-05:00

There once was a time when a girl browsed the internets for inspiration and beauty, and she would stumble upon a photo that she really-and-truly loved. She didn't want to lose it for all eternity, but she couldn't bookmark dozens and dozens of pages on her browser--she'd never be able to find her way back to things like that anyway.

What was to be done? There was only one thing she could do, so she right-clicked, and saved that picture and the many that followed to a collection of folders on her computer.

There came a time when her folders were very full, and she didn't save pictures as much anymore. But she couldn't bring herself to delete those little treasures, because she still liked them very much. Surely there was a better way to save and keep track of the little inspiring things on the world wide web?

Enter Pinterest.

End of story.

This girl's life has been revolutionized. Okay, so maybe it's not all that dramatic, but it is pretty spectacular. And inspired by the idea over at Olivia's blog, I tried to basically describe my life, in pins. (No really guys, this was just an excuse for me to post a bunch of lovely pins on my blog.)

I got my number down to 25, with the help of my friend Ruthie who was essential in being honest/breaking my heart/telling me which ones just needed to go. So here you go. Me, pinned.

Source: icanread.tumblr.com via Jenn on Pinterest

Source: convoy.tumblr.com via Jenn on Pinterest

Source: flickr.com via Jenn on Pinterest

Source: daredreamdance.tumblr.com via Jenn on Pinterest

Source: inthelittleredhouse.blogspot.com via Jenn on Pinterest

Source: thecupcakedictionary.blogspot.com via Jenn on Pinterest

Source: littlebrownpen.blogspot.com via Jenn on Pinterest

Source: trekearth.com via Jenn on Pinterest

Source: 24.media.tumblr.com via Jenn on Pinterest

Source: myfourhensphotography.com via Jenn on Pinterest

Source: sailorsandpetticoats.tumblr.com via Jenn on Pinterest

Source: weheartit.com via Jenn on Pinterest

Source: parishotelboutique.blogspot.com via Jenn on Pinterest

Source: hautemamasfaves.tumblr.com via Cassie Geiger on Pinterest

Source: mallorylucille.tumblr.com via Jenn on Pinterest

Source: dustjacketattic.blogspot.com via Jenn on Pinterest

Source: goodshiplolly.tumblr.com via Jenn on Pinterest

Source: creaturecomfortsblog.com via Jenn on Pinterest

Source: maduke.tumblr.com via Jenn on Pinterest

Source: thedrifterandthegypsy.blogspot.com via Jenn on Pinterest

Source: busybeelauren.tumblr.com via Jenn on Pinterest

Source: folking-around.tumblr.com via Jenn on Pinterest

Source: moonlightrainbow.tumblr.com via Jenn on Pinterest

Source: p-o-n-d-e-r-i-n-g.blogspot.com via Jenn on Pinterest

Source: anglophilemeetsbibliophile.tumblr.com via Jenn on Pinterest

Source: moonlightrainbow.tumblr.com via Jenn on Pinterest

So that's my life, if it's even possible to condense it like that. What's yours?

concerning Downton Abbey

2012-02-12T15:39:00.000-05:00

So there's this show called Downton Abbey.

disclaimer: I watched Downton Abbey before it was cool. just sayin'. in fact, the past year has been agony--since I was forced to wait so very long from the first season to the second. now that January and February have brought my happiness back to me, it's the week-to-week suspense that's killing me. and with a third season already planned for this fall, I'm dreading the summer wait already.

I always try to explain Downton Abbey to people--to convince them to watch it, of course--but it's absolutely impossible to summarize. Let it just be said that it is a plethora of intriguing subplots, historical background, drama and wit, and wonderful characters, not one of which is uninteresting.

It is set in the early 1900s--just before, during, and after World War I. Beautiful, beautiful time period. Beautiful costumes, beautiful lifestyle. Well, for the rich anyways. And the Crawleys certainly are that.

Hmm, how about I introduce you all? Because, you know, everybody in this show and I are such grand friends.

Mary would probably be considered the central character, though there's certainly enough going on in the sidewings that she isn't overwhelmingly so. She...bothered me, a lot, in the first season, but I'm getting over that now. And I like that she's not the perfect angel of a heroine. She's more real than that. But my oh my can she be stupid.

Edith, her one sister, is positively a pathetic excuse of a person. So, so bothersome. (oh, look at this style! lovelovelove.)

Dear sweet Sybil is the youngest sister, and just a doll. Well, you know what they say--third time's a charm. Branson can be a little pushy, but the way he looks and talks reminds me of Samwise Gamgee, and that's always a good thing.

Cora, their mother, is really sweet, though lately she's been a little preoccupied and obnoxious. And she's so naive when it comes to her evil maid Mrs. O'Brien totally manipulating her. I just love Lord Grantham. He's been making me nervous lately with some things, but he's such a great dad, if a little out of the loop at times.

Lord Grantham's mother and thus the three girls' grandmother is Lady Violet. Everything that comes out of her mouth is gold. So, so funny.

I feel like Carson is the backbone of Downton. He's in charge of all the other servants, and though he can get rather stuck in his ways, he really is a dear. He can't leave Downton! I don't care if he does like Mary best! And eww, that's Thomas lurking in the background. Creeper to the max.

Mr. Bates and Anna...have issues. Ha. They're great and all, but honestly I feel like their problematic romance (that is, Mrs. Bates won't divorce) has been dragging on too long. But, Mrs. Bates is gone now? What do you think this is?!

And then....and then....there's Matthew. Basically the whole reason I watch this show, let's face it. Kidding, kidding. ahem. He's just perfect. I mean, look at him in his soldier uniform, off fighting WWI. He looks quite dashing. And those eyes.

He and Mary are just meant to be, but right now she is engaged to the disgusting Sir Richard, and he is engaged-ish to Lavinia, who is really very sweet...but she needs to go away.

Matthew is one of those people I just want to hug. He's just so good. The end.

Basically this whole post was an excuse for me to post pictures of Matthew. just kidding guys.

So honestly, if you've never watched Downton Abbey, go do yourself a favor. (You can find all of the episodes online.) You won't regret it, promise. I simply adore it so much that I'm totally watching it over the Grammys tonight. You better believe it. My Sunday nights revolve around this show.

Okay, so any other Downton Abbey fans out there?

ps--I finally got myself a twitter! follow me?

EDIT 2/13/12
okay, so after last night's episode, I decidedly lost respect for Lord Grantham. And Lavinia! I mean, I knew she had to leave eventually, but I was not expecting that. Plus, Matthew actually bothered me for the first time--why doesn't he just make up his mind already? but, sososo glad Branson + Sybil has worked out, and that Bates + Anna have finally settled their affairs. I have a growing suspicion that season 2 is going to leave us with a cliffhanger...

Flannel PJs

2012-02-06T15:55:00.000-05:00

Well hello, you fine folks!
It's February!
(I'm just telling you in case you hadn't noticed. Some people have trouble with those things.)
((Also, I know I'm nearly a week late in telling you this.))
GIVE ME A BREAK.
geez.

anyway...

I have this awesome older sister.
She is sweet, attractive, bossy, wonderful, motivated, talented, sassy, hilarious, driven, genuine, and pretty much awesome.

I have this awesome younger brother.
He is sweet, handsome, ornery, awesome, crazy, humorous, rough, funny, and basically one of the coolest guys you'll ever meet.

And then there's me.
....
Enough said.

Anyway, a couple months ago we teamed up to create our very own little web series of TV shows. Although we originally intended to do it every week, that proved much too difficult, so for now on we're going to try for once every other week.

There's only four so far, but I thought you may enjoy watching some of them.
C'mon, you know you would.

Okaaaay, so some of those are slightly embarrassing.

I may or may not post a link when we put new shows up, but in the meantime--what did you think?
Did you have a favorite episode?
A favorite part?
A favorite line?
...a favorite anything?
(If not, go away.)
(If so, tell me.)

Also, feel free to answer the question from our most recent episode (annoying people).
Because...you could be featured.
Ooh ooh, you'd be famous!

Alrighty, do your best to enjoy your Monday!

that's all folks,
Code Name Strawberries

you hit me like a vision

2012-01-30T16:52:00.000-05:00

a winter photo shoot is an absolute necessity when a group of girls are together all weekend and when the sky decides to grace us with a glorious albeit short-lived snow.

cassie, ruthie, megan, and i. our little emma troupe. i love them so very, very much. and it's kinda extraordinary how beautiful they all are.

who am i to tell fate where it's supposed to go?

have you a favorite, dears? do tell!

xo, jenn

ps--most photos were taken by ruthie, excepting the ones of her, which i did.

this crazy theatre thing

2012-01-26T19:06:00.000-05:00

The past two weeks have been some of the craziest of my life. Good, wonderful, full of memories--but crazy.

Emma opened Friday the 13th, and the week before that day was a blur of extra rehearsals and crammed homework time. The semester of my one online class ended, and with it, pre-calculus, which has been the curse of my existence since September. I got an A, proving that miracles do happen. JESUS IS REAL FOLKS.

Your sweet little comments about Emma made me ever so happy. Seriously, thank you guys. Sometimes I feel like I ramble on about things, but this play has very much been taking up all of my life recently, and I'm glad you all enjoy hearing about it. I enjoy hearing back from you. *hug*

The day before we opened, we had a massive snow storm, which made our crowd on Friday a bit smaller than it otherwise would have been. And it was deathly quiet. I don't think I've ever heard an audience make so little noise. It was a smooth performance, but rather depressing.

Saturday and Sunday's performance were exceedingly better in that area--laughing and clapping at all the appropriate [and sometimes unexpected] places. That's the thing I have the hardest time with while acting--not breaking character and keeping a straight face. Let's face it, we put on an entertaining show.

I don't think I've ever been sufficiently grateful for Martin Luther King, Jr. until that Monday. I needed sleep, I needed homework time...and thank the Lord, I got a little of both. Tuesday and Wednesday were filled with classes and waiting, waiting, waiting for the next weekend.

our dear little cast. from left to right:
(back) Mr. Elton, Mr. Knightley, Mr. Woodhouse, Emma (me!), Miss Bates, Jane Fairfax (Cassie), Frank Churchill,
Jane Austen, Harriet, Mr. Weston, Mrs. Elton, Mrs. Weston, Mr. Martin
(front) Mrs. Bates, "Juan" the servant/backstage help

We were just going to have three more performances the next Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (this past weekend), but tickets were selling out so quickly that we added last Thursday as well. Our second Friday, this past weekend, was our worst performance ever. I mean, sure we had flubs in the other performances (like the curtain falling on me the second night...), but Friday there were just more screw-ups than usual. With the lights, with lines, and our dance...ehh. *covers face in shame* Annnddd guess what? Friday was the day they filmed. Perfect, right?

Several of you wanted the link if the filmed show ever found its way to youtube. I'll consider it, promise. It just depends on how humiliating it actually is for me. Meanwhile, here are the official photos--looklooklook! Sadly, our dear Harriet (played by lil baby Megan) is not in these. She got the flu and wasn't at our last dress rehearsal, when these were taken. Thus some awkward pictures where I appear to be talking to myself. (ALSO--in these photos, my hair is probably the best it's ever been. Score.)

Anyway.

After Friday's lousy performance, Saturday rolled around and basically the whole cast was in a sour mood. We'd done it so many times, and we had yet to have a show that we all felt exceptionally good about. So as we were cranky backstage listening to music and readying ourselves as we always do, amid the pop music we usually listen to came a worship song...and another...and another. And of course we all sing along, and I'm telling you. I got so much happier just because of that. God is seriously so good with his timing. And then we went out to do the show--and it was our best ever. It was an incredible night--great audience, great everything. Like, basically flawless. Haha. I think we all needed that.

Sunday was bittersweet. Yes, I was ready to have it over, to never wear those dresses again, to give my face a break from those Emma-ish expressions, to have my life back. But with every scene--especially our favorites--there was a sad little realization of this is the last time.

So, it ended. We ended well. I had friends come to every performance except one, and I cannot tell you how thrilled that made me, to see familiar faces after each show. Even better is when people you don't know come up to congratulate you, to ask you how the heck you memorized that many lines [I have no idea]. Oh, and my cast got me a bouquet of flowers last performance. Day made. I still can't get over the fact that I am--er, was (sniff)--Emma. Geez.

We ended with a grand old time at Tim Hortons--lots of laughter and memories and signing-of-playbills-and-napkins. Goodbyes, and hopes to see each other again.

At the risk of sounding totally stuck up, I'd like to say something. Ian, our Mr. Knightley, is very experienced in theatre, and despite his annoying moments, he's really good at what he does. He's also 11+ years older than me, and the running joke between us is that I'm "just a kid, and he has no hope for me" and that he's "an old man who does a bad job of acting like he likes me onstage." Needless to say, we teased a lot. But I think what with me teasing him constantly and his already--*ahem*--large ego, Ian has a hard time paying compliments, even when he sincerely means them. Anyway, Ian paid me a very nice compliment, basically saying I was good at this "crazy theatre thing" and to keep doing it because I have a gift. It just made me feel warm and fuzzy inside, not only because he thought it, but because he said it.

I've learned a lot from this show. It wasn't all fun-and-games. Sure, I had a blast, but we worked a lot too, and I really do feel like I've grown a lot through it. I think you can't help but become a kind of family with your cast. I've come out with some extraordinary friends and memories I'll treasure forever.

And ya know, I totally plan on keeping on with this crazy theatre thing. I love it terribly.

This week--sigh. This has been a dreary little week. Because of lack of sleep and a crazy homework schedule, I've been more emotional than usual. But I--yes, even I, the-one-who-detests-Dr.-Seuss-with-a-fiery-burning-passion-of-a-thousand-suns--am going to admit that the man possessed a little wisdom.

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

Also, that's a comma splice. Agh.

But I'm smiling, for sure. I'm so grateful, so glad it happened.

opening night

2012-01-17T18:43:00.000-05:00

me (Emma)/Megan (Harriet)

I give myself plenty of time. Hair--done. Prop-check--done. Each bobby pin in place, excessive blush applied.

Getting into costume. I button up, tuck the lace, make sure my hair is still intact.
We laugh in the girls' dressing room, as we help each other into our period dresses.

me and Adam (Mr. Elton)

Last minute producer notes.
Encouraging words.
Green room talk.
A quick prayer.

Waiting.

Megan (Harriet)/Ruthie (Mrs. Elton)

They look at me, of course. "Are you nervous?"
I think back to how I expected this moment to feel. It is different.
Quieter. Calmer.

"No," I answer.

Ian (Mr. Knightley)

I have nerves, but I am not nervous. I consider it--think that maybe I should be.
But no. I know this. We've got this.
One feeling prevails: excitement.

I am so pumped.

I am ready.

Waiting.

Harriet and her four prospective men

Minutes linger. I know some of my friends are on their way, delayed by an untimely snowfall.
That's Friday the 13th for you.
Getting home the previous night after our last rehearsal--ever--had been rough.

Actually, the whole night had been rough.
I am glad they say that bad dress rehearsals make good performances.

unhappy lil Emma

I recall my one most troublesome line, but I know I have it now. My little sister helped me with that.

"Don't be nervous," we whisper to each other. "You'll be amazing."

me and Megan

Thumbs up.
I'm smiling.
I'm so excited.

Quiet.
The door opens.
The waiting is over.

me and Megan (Harriet) with Catherine (Miss Bates)

We tiptoe down the stars and slip backstage.
The familiar music fills the air. The room is dark and hushed except for the occasional whisper.

Breathe.
Breathe.

I lift the curtain and duck behind it, then settle into my spot on stage.
I know how it will feel in just a matter of seconds now.
The first time the lights hit my face is the hardest for me--I want to break into a grin.

me getting a scolding from Ian (Mr. Knightley)

Silent prayer.
Moment of concentration.
This is it.

The music changes.
The curtain shifts, sways, and lifts.
The lights go up.

And suddenly, I am no longer Jenn.

I am Emma.

me (Emma)/Megan (Harriet)--quite possibly my favorite scene

(almost all photo credits go to Ruthie, our lovely, talented, and hilarious Mrs. E.)

in which i am emotional

2012-01-11T15:54:00.000-05:00

Yup, I too have my sappy moments.

---

This song. I love it to pieces. It's so beautiful I could cry.

---

Every time I see something like this, my heart does a little sigh. There's just something about Winnie the Pooh that makes me happy inside.

---

You know that feeling when you've finished a good book that part of your heart was apparently attached to? And what about when you've finished a whole series? Yeah, that makes me feel slightly lonely. The Inheritance Cycle wasn't the absolutely best thing I've ever read, but I liked it. I liked it a lot. I was absorbed in the universe of those books in 2008 when the third book came out. And after waiting three years for the fourth and final installment of the cycle--well, I have this bittersweet feeling now that it's finally over.

---

Uhm, I could just get ridiculously sentimental over this. I adore Jimmy Stewart, and the fact that he's getting a medal, and he's in his military attire...agh. It's just so beautiful and noble and perfect.

---

I was given the Les Miserables 25th Anniversary Concert DVD for my birthday, and I couldn't be happier. It's the next best thing to owning the book (which I want. someday.). This scene, at the very end--I watched it again, for the bazillionth time, and it still makes me emotional.

Agh. The look on Jean Valjean's face when Marius says, "Cosette, your father is a saint"--SOB.

---

C.S. Lewis, you've done it again. This is truly perfect and perfectly true. Glad there's someone who agrees with me.

---

Something else that makes me emotional? Little sleep and lots of stress. Both of which are occurring this week in major proportions. I have an unhealthy amount of homework with looming deadlines, and Emma opens this weekend. Prayers that I remain sane until then would be absolutely incredible. Thanks ya'll. ♥♥

And hey, since I've let you in on mine, what has recently been bringing out your inner sap? ;]

year's beginning

2012-01-04T22:40:00.000-05:00

Everywhere people talk about reminisces and resolutions, about parts of twenty eleven they're glad to leave behind, about what twenty twelve holds. And...well...I thought I might as well join the crew. Inspired by this post, I thought I'd remember the things--good and bad--that set 2011 apart (and look to the coming year too, of course).

(all photos are some of my favorites from Christmastime)

what did you do in 2011 that you've never done before?
I got my driver's license. I performed on stage--legitimately--for the first time in Little Women. I finally, finally made it out of the country, to Canada. I blew a bubble with gum for the first time in my life. I started penpalling with this girl--something I've wanted to do for ages. Went to a midnight showing of a movie.
what do you plan to do in 2012 that you've never done before?
Go to Europe. See a Broadway musical in NYC.

what dates in 2011 will be etched upon your memory?
March 19th--seeing Les Misérables on Broadway. September 4th--aka, the best night of my life.

what's your biggest achievement from this past year?
Getting accepted to staff with TeenPact. Taking a whole month off of facebook to finish the 1400+ pages of the epic novel Les Misérables. Improving my photography.

biggest failure?
Not always loving with agape love.

what did you get really excited about?
Getting the part of Emma in Emma (read: lots and lots of screaming).

what song will remind you of 2011?
Joshua Radin's "Brand New Day" because it was the theme of my trip to Chicago, as you can see in the video I made of it.

what were the best books you read?
Les Mis, duh. Till We Have Faces was challenging and thought-provoking. The Help for sure.

what was your best musical discovery?
Anthem Lights [insert fangirl scream], Twenty One Pilots, getting hooked more on House of Heroes. Les Mis (sorry, again, I know), and discovering Newsies hit Broadway.

my darling lil cousin

what movies did you see in theaters?
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, The Lion King, The King's Speech, X-Men: First Class, Captain America, Thor, The Three Musketeers, Real Steel, The Help, Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows. Just about all of them were pretty awesome.
what movies do you plan to see in theaters?
The Avengers, The Hobbit, Les Mis if it actually comes out.

how would you describe your personal fashion?
Actually, 2011 saw me actually develop a personal fashion--something I did not really have before. It's cute and chic but classy and not too impractical. Psh, forget it. I don't know how to describe it.

what kept you sane?
Valuable friend time. Talking and opening up to people more. Adequate amounts of sleep, when they came few and far between.

what was a valuable lesson you learned?
Relationships--friendships--are hard. They're not simple, and you have to work at them. But it's worth it.
And God is good. Always, always good.

What have you learned this past year? What were some of your greatest moments, achievements, experiences? And what are some of the special or awesome things you're hoping to do this year? I'd love to hear. (:

year's end

2011-12-31T16:11:00.000-05:00

Christmastime is busy, youknow. I’m sure you know. Busy yet relaxing. I saw the Nutcracker ballet with a few friends. I did last minute gift-wrapping, as usual. I fell in love with my church's Christmas Eve candlelight service all over again. I slept in. I watched an adorable black & white 40's film called The Man Who Came to Dinner while visiting my dad's side of the family. I ate yummy food. I watched lots of movies, and listed to lots of good music. I went to see the zoo lights with my mom's side of the family. I got a cell phone. I took bokeh photos. I had sleepovers with friends. I saw the awesome new Sherlock Holmes movie. I had Christmas tea with my "adopted" aunt and uncle. I helped a friend of the family put up her Christmas decorations and my aunt take hers down.

I am continually humbled and amazed by people who give good gifts--who know how to give good gifts--who put thought and love into it--who surprise me because they really don't have to. Seriously. I wish I could become a better gift-giver.

Christmas this year was rather low key. Slow and relaxing--which, all said, has been wonderful. But now it's over, and here we are on New Year's Eve. The end of 2011.

I feel as if 2012 is the year of the future. Folks, I guess the future gets here tomorrow. Ya know, the world is supposed to end and all, but before that I'm mostly looking forward to the release of such movies as The Avengers, The Hobbit, and (possibly!!) Les Misérables. Oh, and it's leap year.

2011...hmm. It's been full of ups and downs, that's for sure. I've had some amazing experiences, visited some incredible places, and met some wonderful people. It's been challenging and awesome, torn with struggles and yet full of adventures.

I was looking back at the list of things I had wanted to accomplish this year. At some of them, I could nod and know that I had succeeded. Others I know I did not focus on, and thus failed at them. And others I know are works-in-progress, to be worked on through this year and beyond.

I'm not one for New Year's resolutions, but my one gift to Jesus this year (it is his birthday, after all)--the one thing I want to focus on above all else--is: in all things, to love. Love. Such a simple, taken-for-granted little word that encompasses so much of who I should and want to be. A concept so extraordinary that God is it himself. God is love.

Geez.

I hope you all have fantastic endings to the old year and fantastic beginnings to the new one. Any celebrations planned?

xo, Jennnnnn

born that man no more may die

2011-12-24T23:27:00.000-05:00

So, it's Christmas Eve. Can you believe how quickly it has sneaked up on us? The past week has been packed for me; break has proven wonderful if busy. With last minute shopping, social events (caroling and the mall), and catching up on work that needs to be done, I've been kept on my toes.

Christmas Eve itself almost holds more excitement and tradition for our family than Christmas day. Our biggest tradition is our Christmas Eve dinner. It's my dad's job to always make a huge, extravagant, exotic meal--we've had African meals, Mediterranean food, and this year our theme was Brazilian. So, so good.

Another Christmas Eve tradition is opening the small gifts that are stuffed in our stockings, usually paired with dessert soon following. Then my church has a beautiful candlelight service--one of my favorite nights of the year.

And now here we are. Christmas day is in a matter of minutes. My mom and sister and I have settled down with a chick flick and tomorrow I'll attempt to sleep in while my little sisters shout in excitement. For me, getting into the Christmas spirit has been more difficult this year than others, it seems. I was more excited for the holidays during November than during the past week or so.

It's so easy to forget that the reason for Christmas is the birth of our Savior--that fact gets lost or pushed to the back of our minds. Jesus was born to be our Rescuer and our Friend.

hail the heaven-born prince of peace

hail the son of righteousness

light and life to all he brings

risen with healing in his wings

mild he lays in glory by

born that man no more may die

born to raise the sons of earth

born to give them second birth

hark! the herald angels sing

"glory to the newborn king"

Goodnight, my sweet friends. I hope your holidays are splendid, and don't ever forget the greatest gift that was ever given to us. Merry Christmas!

let me freak out, okay?

2011-12-18T17:16:00.000-05:00

It's rant time.

So, my play. ahem. Our play. It's Jane Austen's Emma in case you all forgot. There's been...complications.

Long story short, our Frank Churchill has been let go because of a conflicting work schedule and consequent missed rehearsals. Which means...we have less than a month till performances and we've all been rehearsing together since September...and we're going to have to bring in someone new.

Aggghh.

Said new person is old. By old I mean 28...which, granted, is the same age as our Mr. Knightley (my love interest ha). But Mr. Knightley is supposed to be older than me. Frank, on the other hand is the charming young man that comes in and sweeps me--er, Emma that is--off her feet, or so she thinks until she realizes he's been secretly engaged the whole while and Knightley is dah man. Key word in that sentence: young. So...28 isn't really cutting it. He doesn't look at all younger than the guy in our play that's playing his father.

Stupid people.

It'll be fine, I know it will. I hope it will. I just want someone my age. sniff. It'd be fantastic if you could just pray that it's okay. I JUST WANT IT TO BE OKAY. Alright, I'm done. Thanks. Sorry.

Oh, while we're at it, would you like to hear another Jenn-freak-out story? I thought so. And it happened the very same night I heard about our play. Too much drama...literally.

Anyway, I had my band concert. I'm one of two flutists, and I promise I am not just being humble when I say that I'm...not good at flute. It doesn't help that I'm horribly inconsistent when it comes to practicing. So, come time for the beginner band to play, Stephen--the only other flutist--wasn't there. I was praying so hard, getting so nervous, the whole time the beginner band played. We were on right after them. The flutes had a solo. I couldn't do it by myself. I was ready to publicly disgrace myself and then blot that night from my memory forever and ever amen. That or turn and run far, far away.

Long story short, Stephen showed up with way too little time to spare. I punched him and told him that I was going to strangle him--after he played that solo with me. Agh, too much stress for my poor little self.

SO. This weekend got off to a rough start. Thankfully I had some nice relaxing walk-around-the-mall-just-to-browse-and-see-the-lights-and-drink-coffee-with-friends time last night. I always forget my camera at such times. sigh.

Oh, and this is a picture of me, as Emma, in costume, with my hair done. (I'm rather proud of the way I did my hair, actually. It's period enough without being atrocious.)

Whatcha think? And how have your weekends been, my dears? Can you believe Christmas is only a week away? Agh, forgive me as I freak out once again!

Christmas letters

2011-12-12T16:47:00.000-05:00

dear snow,
I'm ready for you. If it's going to be cold, you might as well come. Please oh please stick around for awhile next time?

dear Mommy,
Thank you for stringing my room with lights. I kinda sorta love it.

dear odd dreams about bad performances, plastic bag skirts, and muffins,
Uhm, you're odd.

dear candles,
I wasn't supposed to be one of those candle ladies like my mom. Okay, let's get this straight--I'm really not one of those crazy candle ladies like my mom. But still, I really like the way you smell when I burn you and when I extinguish you, especially when you are peppermint scented.

dear candy canes,
I adore you, just adore you. Why are you only around this time of year? You are so spectacular.

dear pine and little red berries,
We're best friends forever, right?

dear Tess,
Talking to you about how I wanted to be an astronaut as a little girl brought back good memories. I love listening to you sing your heart out to the piano roll playing an oldie you've probably never heard of. Baking cookies and writing letters with you is fun. You're cute. I want to keep you.

dear m&m cookies,
Oh, you know I love you to pieces...but then I will eat all the said pieces.

dear Brooke,
When I randomly wrote the lyrics "dog days are over" on a sticky note, I was not expecting to find the reply "duh they're over" (spelled "daaaa their over") written next to it. Thanks for making my day.

dear future house,
If you just contain a deliciously large library, I will be happy. That's all I ask.

dear tea,
Well, my friend, you've done it again.

dear Christmas tree,
I was rather sad when I didn't get to be a part of putting you up, and I was also sad that my little sisters decorated you while I was gone. But I was happy that "cleaning the house" gave me an excuse to put up the remainder of the ornaments and re-situate ones that were about to fall off, thus redeeming my part in the process. You're pretty, and I like you.

entering this in jess's photo challenge--because I love the lights of the season, and consequently, the bokeh ♥

dear ornaments,
Please be careful--you break easily when I'm not paying attention. Also, I love how every single one of you is linked to a memory, and how we have the tradition of getting a new special one of you each year.

entering this in kelsey's photo challenge--my favorite ornament for sure.

dear Josh Groban,
Thank you for existing.

dear gee gullifers,
I'm pretty sure you're not even a legitimate expression. So why do I find you stuck in my head? I'm too embarrassed to use you in public, so I think I'll just stick with "gee" for now, thank you very much.

dear Grant,
Believe it or not, I am indeed surviving your attempts to learn guitar.

dear bokeh,
You're all kinds of wonderful.

dear peppermint mocha,
I usually don't like peppermint and chocolate together, but you are like Christmas in a cup.

dear Christmas shopping,
Why are you always so difficult for me? I was not blessed with the love language of gift giving you see, so you must take it easy on me in the future.

dear people who compliment me on good hair days,
Aw shucks. You aren't too bad yourself.

dear fire,
Lighting you for the first time this year made me very, very happy. You are warm and cozy and extraordinarily close to my heart. I would also like to remind you that I am not in fact a pyromaniac.

dear Christmas break,
You're incredible. The end.

the best things happen while you're dancing

2011-12-06T08:56:00.000-05:00

My title comes from an old song, the origin of which I cannot remember. I think it's in an oldie film, but I can't remember that either and I'm much to lazy to look it up. It's an epic song--one you can dance swing, polka, foxtrot, tango, and waltz to--all in the same song. Yup, love it.

Have I ever really told you all about the Celtic Ball? I don't recall that I have. I've mentioned it in passing, posted a photo now and again. But here we are. The Celtic Ball is a dance for people age--oh, 14 to 20. We do square-ish dancing, but it's all set to Celtic music (there's even a legit bagpipe player) and it's much more formal.

Needless to say, we always have girlfriends over to get ready with and then ride with. It makes a good thing just that much better. And the Christmas Ball is always the best.

the preparation process...it's intense you know

Sadly, there are not many pictures from the night, 1) because my camera died, 2) because there's horrible lighting in there so I kinda gave up, and 3) I was dancing most of the night, of course, so I didn't have time for photos.

I love dancing. love love love it. I have friends that don't dance/don't like to dance, and I honestly just don't get it. (I mean, it's not as if I can dance...I'm so white & have no moves whatsoever...but I do it anyway.) It's such a happy thing. The Celtic Ball is always one of the highlights of my year.

Yeah, the Celtic Ball is one of my happy places.

What about you? Can you/do you dance?

ps--oh! and I straightened my hair, as you can see! thoughts? I think it makes me look older. hmm I like it, but you see I'm not nearly motivated enough to take the time to do it often. ;)

the road goes ever on and on...

2011-11-30T16:21:00.000-05:00

My very first post on this blog told a grand number of zero readers why my blog was called such a contradictory thing as Unoriginal Originality. I've gone back and read that post (does anyone else read their past writings when they're bored or procrastinating?) and you know what I think? I think it's cute. Not in a bad or belittling way, of course. But it was a first step--a plunge into something I didn't even know the vastness of. It was a beginning, and like many beginnings, we may not know where we're headed at first, not until we have actually walked some of the road.

So here I am, on UO's one year anniversary--365 days down that road. It makes me ask myself, Where am I headed?

There are so many darling and wonderful blogs out there, but what do I want for mine? When I thought about it, I realized there were three things that I could make UO's focus.

-my life
-my photos
-my thoughts

And I came to the realization that in all honesty, I want this little mode of expression to be primarily for the latter--my thoughts. Certainly it has my life mixed in; I can't separate myself from reality. But I don't want it to look like my journal did up until I was eleven or twelve: This is what I did today...

No, I wanted it to be my thoughts on life. I can tell anyone about my day, but it is in writing that I most often express my emotions and dreams. Likewise, you have seen and will continue to see much of my growing photography, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Entering this world of blogging has inspired me to progress in my photography more than any one thing has. But I don't want photos to take the place of words. I want them to compliment my thoughts, to illustrate my imagination.

Ever since I came to that conclusion about what I wanted the focus of my blog to be, I've tried to keep that in mind, whenever I write. I have a journal to dump about the deep dark dealings of my brain; I have an alternate reality to relive the high and flying colors of my heart. I want UO to be the best of both. Not so you think I'm perfect--I'm not, and I don't like anyone who pretends to be--but because it is a place to focus on the positive, rather than needlessly reiterating the nitty gritty details that in the end aren't worth it. It's a place to gather inspiration.

Yes, by that, I mean inspiration from each and every one of you lovely people who are reading this. I love you. You've made this journey worth it.

Also, you all are pretty good at age-guessing. I think I've kept you hanging long enough, so I'll tell you. Most of you guessed that I recently turned somewhere between 15 and 17, though the extremes were 14 and 28 (both from people I know personally, obviously--one being my sister). Well, I'm seventeen. So now you know.

So here I am. On this grand adventure and loving it. One year down this path and the road goes ever on and on (okay, Lord of the Rings reference, anyone?).

It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to know that you all are along for the ride.

♥♥
Jenn

thank-full

2011-11-25T16:32:00.000-05:00

It's a day later, when most of us are probably recovering from stuffing ourselves with all of the incredible food that makes its way to our tables during this time of the year. It's all worth it though; Thanksgiving dinner is honestly one of my favorite meals of the whole year.

I got to sleep in--hardcore, till 1pm--yesterday, which was absolutely wonderful. The rest of the afternoon was busy but relaxing as preparations took place. My family usually celebrates Thanksgiving with my dad's side of the family, and if not with them, we go to my mom's side. But this year none of our relatives had a big Thanksgiving celebration--and though at first I was afraid this would jeopardize all the good-food-eating plans I had, it ended up being really nice. We just had my adopted "aunt" and "uncle" (friends of the family) over for dinner and dessert.

One word: yum.

And after that, I went and met a few friends at the mall to do "black Friday shopping"--which incidentally didn't start (because many places hadn't opened yet) until we were about to leave. But it was fun all the same.

I have so so so many things to be thankful for. I take half of them for granted, I know--but recently I was challenged by this question: "What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?" Puts a new perspective on things, hmm? Well here's a list of things I am grateful for, from a to z. Trust me, there's lots more besides.

Linking up my abc's of thanks. God is good.

So, happy Thanksgiving, a day late. :)
How was your day, friends?
What are you feeling thankful for?

the anniversary of the day of my birth

2011-11-21T17:53:00.000-05:00

Technically I wasn't born until 9:30 at night, so I never get the satisfaction of actually knowing that I'm older until then. When I was little and staying up until 9:30pm was a big deal, I would beg to be allowed to stay awake until that time. Or else I would just whisper it softly to Cassie in bed and celebrate the next morning.

Nonetheless, it is my birthday. Actually, for it being a Monday and all, I had a pretty sweet day. It was a rather relaxing and enjoyable English class, I had lunch with a friend, and I'm now awaiting a glorious meal and dessert with my fivesome. Plus, last weekend was glorious--a dance with some dear friends and a sleepover afterwards.

photo credits to...Ruthie's dad. ;p

Today I'm also joining Abigail at Rear Window's blog party, so you'll get to hear a bit about yours truly. So...hello. :) I'm Jenn. The loves of my life include Broadway musicals, paper (stationery and notebooks, mostly), laughter, a story well-told, the smell of a just-extinguished candle, taking photographs, correct grammar, and Jesus.

Also--I've never mentioned my age on my blog. And now that it's my birthday and it is actually worth mentioning, I'm rather curious to see how old you all think I am. If you've been around for any amount of time I'm sure you have a guess since I've dropped hints now and again. But seriously, leave me a comment and take a guess?

What is the nerdiest/geekiest/weirdest thing about you?

I'm a self-proclaimed Lord of the Rings nerd. What can I say? I know way to many random facts about that trilogy (and am incredibly excited for next year's release of The Hobbit!). Oh, and I can probably quote and sing my way through The Lion King.

If you could live in a fictional universe from any book, movie, or television show, what would it be?

Now, I could state the extremely obvious and say Narnia here because duh, who doesn't want to go to Narnia? But in the attempt to be more original, I would love to enter the world of the play Wicked--technically Oz, only so much more wonderful. Plus, I'd love to visit the (nonfictional) 40s and 50s.

because let's face it--I want to wear dresses like this. source.

Little or big, practical or frivolous, what is one of your favorite items in your house?

Florence, my piano and friend.

Do you like animated movies? If so, what is your favorite?

Okay--so animated movies aren't my thing at all. At least not the things they make nowadays. Old Disney classics are a completely different matter however. I adore The Lion King, Robin Hood, and Aladdin. Tangled holds a special place in my heart, too.

this so makes my day. source.

What's your favorite thing to get at Starbucks?

For a cold drink, a java chip frappuccino. For a warm drink, a mocha--or during the fall, the pumpkin spice latte all the way. Of course, I'm always open to new suggestions...

What is your favorite pizza topping? Do you prefer waffles or pancakes?

Pineapple and ham is always a special treat. And as for the waffle/pancake dilemma....ohh. Hmm. Do I have to answer this one? Fine. Pancakes, if they're the right kind.

Do you like to play games? If so, what is your favorite? Have you ever let anyone win a game?

Why, of course I do! I love card games, Apples to Apples is always fun, but sometimes the best are group games where you have to use your imagination. And yes--I have let others win...though it doesn't happen very often. I'm rather competitive. *wink*

Do you make your bed every morning?
BAH. No sirree.

Picasso or Norman Rockwell?

Don't get me wrong, I have a great appreciation for the artist that Picasso was, but something about Rockwell is just so perfect and homey and nostalgic and reminds me of being a kid and simpler times.

triple self portrait? nice. source.

Do you like carpet, tile, or hardwood floors?

Most of the time smooth wood. Good for sliding in socks. Though carpet is usually lame (trust me, the stuff in my room is old and not so pretty), we must consent that it is good for just stretching out on the floor sometimes. ;)

If you could put one thing in a safe under your bed, what would it be?

Allllll my paper stuffs--journals, letters, sketchbooks--and a backup of all my photos.

What was the last thing that made you laugh?

Watching Peter Jackson's production videos for the soon-but-not-soon-enough-to-come movie The Hobbit. *grin*

Think fast...what's the first song that pops into your head?

Heheh, I was "waiting" for this question, but when I read it again, the first thing that came to mind? The Glee version of "Jar of Hearts."

Hope your Monday has been lovely, friends! (I know that sounds impossible, but anyway...) And psst--guess my age for my own entertainment, maybe? ;)

♥♥

Jenn

it's autumn again

2011-11-17T17:33:00.001-05:00

so I have this thing for clocks.

2011-11-13T12:06:00.000-05:00

I am just really quite fascinated by them.

Some extravagant & others plain and simple, some old and full of history & others spiffy and modern. All styles, sizes--oh yes, I especially adore those little pocket watches.

These photos were taken during my summer travels--from Milwaukee to Chicago to Montreal to Quebec to Boston. I just fell in love with this little time trackers.

Oh! Do not attack me with your watch. A watch is always too fast or too slow. I cannot be dictated to by a watch. -Jane Austen

And now just a few things I am grateful for today:

time [to complete homework, hopefully]

laughter

friends who are willing to pray for me

stories that I have love/hate relationships with [ahem, Jane Eyre]

a new navy blue cardigan

a birthday list which includes this and this

and of course the fact that my birthday arrives in eight days

Captain Jack Sparrow, always

the fact that Thanksgiving and the associated good food is fast approaching

late night Starbucks runs
there's more to life than books you know. but not much more.

my brother's sense of humor [most of the time]

the grace of Jesus

What are you fascinated by/thankful for?

therapy?

2011-11-10T17:52:00.000-05:00

Maybe it's just me, but the first time I saw this video (shown to me by the amazing, beautiful, funny, talented, credit-desiring Ruthie) it had me cracking up SO much. My brother and I couldn't stop laughing.

Yesterday was a fairly good day. Yes, I had cram-studying to do. But with a mug of raspberry tea and my iPod playing my happy/sappy playlist, I was good. Sitting in our sunroom, I could look out in one direction to see silver-lined clouds, and in the other to see a dark sky creeping towards me, like Mordor quickly approaching. I stepped outside for a few minutes. The wind was blowing, but it was calm and bold and beautiful. It was the breath before the storm.

(Yes, I can see talking myself into a very Lord of the Rings-ish mood.)

Well, it certainly began to pour. I sat and studied sociology to the sound of rain pounding on the roof and the wind slamming the barn door shut over and over and over again. But it passed quickly, leaving us with the few last golden minutes of the day.

Today I was not so fortunate. It's just been one of those lousy days. We all get them, I suppose. I had the sociology exam I had cram-studied for. I got in a couple arguments, didn't get much accomplished, and forgot to laugh. Light glared in my eyes as I tried to drive and I wasn't thankful for the sunshine. My brother asked my advice & I was stubborn and unhelpful, and my sister asked me to attend her tae kwon do test & I didn't go. My hair is up in a sloppy bun, I'm wearing my big comfy hoodie, and I feel like I could hibernate for a week before catching up on sleep. I can't go to a friend's play performance because I have to work, pre-calculus is a bunch of jargon, and even blogger is not letting me situate my photos correctly.

Argh.

okay, so one thing I'm happy about: this photo. the perspective and uniqueness.

So, after such a day, what did I do? I went and watched the above video, to cheer myself up. It worked, a little bit anyway. And for therapy, I took some photos and edited more. Alright, so it wasn't therapy. It was just an attempt to avoid the pre-calc.

Here's to hoping the weekend gets a bit better. Do you have/do anything in particular to remedy a bad day?

I think I'll go make myself some more tea now.

why hello.

2011-11-05T15:14:00.000-04:00

mission: accomplished.

friends, I've found my life's theme song. at least, what I would really really really love to be my life's theme song.

I know it's long (hey, classical = good studying music, for me anyway) & I know listening to music just because some girl on the other side of these words wants you to, but seriously. it's epic. and...you have to listen to it all the way through. because the beginning isn't my theme song; the whole thing is. and in truth more towards the end than the beginning (mostly starting at 5:20, which kinda sounds like Phantom of the Opera, ironically). aghh! it's SO GOOD.

and alright, I confess. it's a symphony by Johan de Meij--The Lord of the Rings symphony to be exact, Movement V, Hobbits. it just...strikes a chord in me.

pretty things.

old abandoned Coca-Cola bottles make for lovely new homes for autumn flowers.

uhm, rambling.

around here, November is kind of a big deal. okay, so maybe just for me. ;) it's my birthday month, and I've never really cared for it. however, we must admit, of course, that it ushers in the holiday season with that wonderfully delicious thing known as Thanksgiving. and I think with photography and writing making me look more for the beauty in small things, I don't dislike such things as adamantly as I once did.

but I will point out--it's rather crummy to attempt anything party-ish in the kind of weather that we usually have around by the end of the month. the only thing to do is...well, ice skating, which has been officially out-ruled since the last time I went ice skating with friends for my birthday, I fell and got a concussion. okay, so that was just last year. let's just say my skating skills could use some improvement. big time.

expectation.

speaking of the holidays (ish), I have been really excited for them to approach--since the middle of October. no no, you don't understand. that is super unnatural of me. I'm the one that rolls my eyes when we start seeing Christmas decor in the stores before Halloween barely has time to scoot past. but...it's different. I can't wait. not necessarily for Christmas to be here, but for the season itself. the atmosphere, the glow. ooh, I'm so anticipating it.

oh those frenchies.

okay, Canadians. I had a little French exercise this week when one of the wonderful French-speaking people from Montreal that we met on our vacation this summer started chatting with me on facebook. which was wonderful, but my French skills aren't super amazing, so it was a challenge. google translate à la rescousse! (now someone who would actually know tell me if that really does mean "to the rescue.")

my favorite.

c'mon...you already know C.S. Lewis and I are basically best friends. okay, well, I'm best friends with him--his words anyway. this is the spectacular defining quote from Till We Have Faces.

"I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. You are yourself the answer. Before your face questions die away. What other answer would suffice?"

brilliant. beautiful. oh-so-true.

loving right now.

I got new socks. they are striped, and they make me happy.

yum.

yes, I took a picture of my cereal. we hardly ever have good cereal around here (and by good, I mean sugary), so when we have some of this, it's a special occasion for sure.

double yum--ya know, I really love tea. raspberry is my favorite. couple it with my favorite mug (hand painted by yours truly) and my cozy sweater, and that's just pretty near perfect.

words words words.

plus, what think you of my nails? granted, they don't look so good as when I first painted them, but I being the word-lover I am, I knew I had to try this. after painting my nails white and letting them dry, I dipped them in rubbing alcohol and pressed a piece of newspaper on them, holding it there for just a couple seconds. the ink came off, I painted on a clear top coat, and voila!

speaking of words, do you have a favorite word? I was recently asked this question, so I gave it some thought. I honestly don't know that I could pick a favorite. but here's one: hello. it's the word that I doodle all the time. it's a start, a beginning, an initiation, an invitation. so many good things in my life start with people, and all good people in my life start with this word.

you can't get anywhere with people without starting at hello. simple, eh?

so...hello. and now, goodbye. ;)

autumn sunshine

2011-10-31T13:24:00.002-04:00

I have a confession to make.

I never really cared for fall. Not that I disliked it--it was more that I just didn't have any feelings for it whatsoever. Well, this year, it's changed. I love autumn. At least I've loved this autumn. I'm not sure what has changed, but this in-between season has just captivated me with it's golden glory.

Yup, you could say I've fallen in love with the autumn sunshine.

Sadly, as of now, sunshine doesn't necessarily mean warmth. We had our first frost yesterday--which made driving to church in my icy car somewhat interesting. But at the same time, even though I would rather have been asleep at the time (wonderful night the one before: dancing, teasing, eating, movie-watching, laughing with friends...until after 3am), I couldn't help but love seeing the morning light glisten over the frost.

"Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower." -Albert Camus

This October has been an odd mixture of nasty & rainy, sunny & breezy, and now it has turned to bright (or wet) & cold. I'm having a hard time coping with the fact that the month is over; didn't autumn just begin? And now here we are, facing November head-on. Crazy how time flies.

And despite the constant busyness--the homework, the cold, the everyday difficulties amid the laughter, the beauty, the friendships--I am loving it.

ps--any epic plans for Halloween? I've never been big on the day--never done anything huge or exciting--so tonight just calls for a run to Chipotle. always a good thing.

only Love

2011-10-26T19:04:00.000-04:00

This is something I havebeen meaning to write for a long while. I suppose I've been gathering thecourage, because it is a topic so vast, so broad, so unfathomably deep that Ihave trouble understanding it. And yet, I so desperately want to be ableto grasp it. And what is this thing?

Love.

I believe it was in August that I read Till We Have Faces, a myth retold by that mastermind hero of mine, C.S. Lewis. Whenever I think about this concept of love, something draws my mind back to this book. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Lewis was a genius. I devoured this book cover to cover, but it's one of those things that you have to take time to process afterward. I'm certain I didn't understand half of the message that Lewis put in there--it's a confusing but riveting tale.

"A good book should leave you…slightly exhausted at the end. You live several lives while reading it." -William Styron

To start, let me summarize the myth it centers around. In ancient Greek tradition, Psyche was a mortal woman who was so beautiful that Aphrodite (the goddess of love) was jealous of her. In an attempt to get rid of her, Aphrodite sends her son Cupid (the god of love) to do the dirty work, but Cupid falls in love with Psyche, takes her to a hidden valley, and there only comes to her in the darkness of night so that she does not see his true form as a god.
Meanwhile, Psyche's two jealous sisters come visit her, convincing her that her lover might be a horrific beast. They persuade Psyche to light a candle in the night, but when she does, Cupid awakens, enraged. He punishes the sisters and leaves Psyche, who is forced to flee to her enemy, Aphrodite herself, for help. Aphrodite sends Psyche on a number of impossible missions, each of which Psyche miraculously completes. In the end, Cupid returns for Psyche and she is granted immortality, becoming a goddess.

Till We Have Faces tells the story from the perspective of Orual, one of Psyche's sisters. Ever since she was a little girl, Orual has lived knowing three things for certain: Psyche was beautiful, she was ugly, and she loved Psyche to death. Literally, to death. Orual's love for Psyche is desperate, reckless, and mostly, selfish. When Orual persuades Psyche to undermine Cupid, it is not out of spite. It is out of her dangerously great love that wishes to protect Psyche, and her dangerously great fear that some brute would seek to destroy her sister. Plus, Orual cannot see the beautiful valley, the lovely place where Cupid has brought Psyche--she sees only a desolate, lonely place inhabited by her hallucinating sister.

Orual is punished. She becomes hardened, bitter. She becomes queen, and yet she is so unfulfilled. She never sees Psyche again, only later discovering that she has become a goddess and that Orual's own name has lived on in infamy. And through it all, she is possessed by a confusingly massive amount of love for Psyche. At least, she calls it love.

But I suppose that is where the book ends and the imagination begins. Orual never did anything for or toward Psyche except what she meant to be for her good. But Orual's love was selfish--so, so selfish. She did not love Psyche for love's sake; she loved to be loved in return. She wanted to get some sort of reward from her devotion, and in the end, it led them both to ruin. And that just makes me wonder: where is the fine line between selfish and unselfish love?

"Love is something more stern and splendid than mere kindness." -C.S. Lewis

More stern? Stern. Hmm. As in serious, Lewis, is that what you're trying to tell me? Because yes, love is more serious than kindness, than simply attempting to do good to someone. Love is a commitment, an act. And like anything else, messing up is all too easy. Acting out of line comes much too naturally.

And more splendid? Yes. Oh yes. Especially in His love.

"God will look to every soul like its first love because He is its first love." -C.S. Lewis

The other thing that strikes me is Orual's need for love. She goes about loving and trying to find love in all the wrong ways, and they ultimately fail her. She seeks for something greater than herself so desperately, yet she is blind to the beauty that Psyche has found. And here I suppose the line between reality and myth is blurred. The whole book I could not decide what was real and what was story--and I'm pretty sure that's right where Lewis wanted me to be. Because in his eyes, Jesus is a story, salvation is a myth. The only difference is that it's a real story. It's a true myth. (More coherent musings on that and this book here, part one and part two.) And either way, Orual still needs, desires, craves that crazy little thing called love. Or rather, Love, for God is love.

"When we are such as He can love without impediment, we shall in fact be happy." -C.S. Lewis

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this now. I guess it's just so easy to slip into the mindset of loving selfishly. Loving because I want something in return, and not loving because I don't think there's anything in it for me. And watching the story unfold as Orual does just that, it struck me how easy it is to not even realize when I am in that mindset. I really felt for Orual--sympathized with her even--wanted to scream at Psyche that she had no idea what she was doing. But the next moment I wanted nothing more than to beat some sense into Orual who is obviously missing some great truth that Psyche has found. Orual is completely unaware, and she not only makes Psyche suffer, but she does harm to herself as well.

Ahh, this selfish loving that we're used to is not Jesus love. It's not agape love, unconditional and sacrificial. We don't think about it. In a world that clamors for rights and equality, we don't realize that if life was fair, we'd be dead. Sinful, hopeless, unloved, and dead.

"If there is equality it is in His love, not it us." -C.S. Lewis

And that makes me infinitely grateful. For various reasons, but namely that I was blind, but now I see. That I have Love. That I don't have to desperately seek fulfillment in loving a Psyche or being a queen. That my identity is in Him, however great the amount that I don't deserve it. That he is my lover and beauty and truth. And I must seek to love as unselfishly has He has loved me. His love is so great, so vast, so unselfish, so important, so good, so necessary to my existence.

"There are four questions of value in life...What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. Only love." -Johnny Depp

And I would change that a bit to say, only Love.

my best friend (aka sister)

2011-10-22T15:54:00.000-04:00

It was cloudy and getting late, I was hard at work studying my American civ book, and it had already been a long day.

Enter Cassie: "Come take some of my senior pictures!"

Me: "NONONONONONO."

...You can see for yourself who won that argument.

I was dragged out to a lovely little cove on the reservoir near us. Cassie had scouted out this location weeks before.

Yes sir, she can be a bit silly. Especially upon discovering dirty old glass bottles on the ground.

But oh, can she be serious. Heheh, there's some sort of lasting joke about Cassie's "model look." I'm not really sure what or why, but there is.

Ahh, I love fall colors.

{linking up the above photo with all things autumn}

There also happens to be a joke about her foot-popping skills. They're not too keen to put it mildly.

Oh my dear, this girl. I love her. I don't even know if there are words to say how much.

Not to say that we don't have our moments (because, ahem, trust me, we do), but she's always there for me. It's scary how she can read my mind sometimes. It's wonderful how we can laugh about almost anything.

how we come up with our own inside jokes...

how we choose our men (I get Chris Hemsworth and she gets Hugh Jackman)...

how she tells me to shut up at 1am when I'm rambling on and on...

how I tease her about her "perfect" nose...

how she leans over my shoulder and tells me how to edit that photo just so...

how we talk about everything and everyone...

how she's blonder at heart than I am...

how she's my only family member that actually reads my blog...

how every time she asks me how she looks I say "ehh, okay" when she looks gorgeous and when she doesn't ask me because she just woke up and is in her robe with her hair up in one of those ridiculous buns I say "you look beautiful" and we start to laugh...

how we continue our inside jokes without even remembering what they're about...

yeah.

She's my best friend--always has been and always will be.

She's priceless.

sometimes

2011-10-17T17:29:00.000-04:00

Sometimes it's so easy to get in a depressed and overwhelmed mindset, focused on the wrong things.

Sometimes every little thing makes me so warm and fuzzy inside and full of joy and contentment and happiness and gratitude.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s humanly possible to do with my life everything I want to do with my life.

Sometimes I think I’ll be able to achieve great things and do and be all I want.

Sometimes I don’t even know what it is that I want.

(iLove flowers and colors...linking up to Francesca's challenge and Kat ie's challenge)

Sometimes I think I’m a pretty cool person.

Sometimes I look back, shake my head, and think, Man, am I deluded.

Sometimes I want to shove everyone away and sit in my room all alone.

Sometimes it hits me--how good life is--and I want to give everyone I know the biggest hug they have ever had in the history of the universe.

Sometimes hugs solve everything, you know.

Sometimes I think I will never be able to mark off every single thing on my ever-growing bucket list.

Sometimes I know I can conquer the world.

Sometimes I think certain segments of humanity are intolerably stupid.

Sometimes I smile and sigh and realize how much I love people in the end--how my friends make my life.

Sometimes I forget, but that's my own problem.

Because despite everything, when I will only remember to recognize it, Someone is always making life beautiful.

oreo stuffed heaven

2011-10-12T17:10:00.000-04:00

Would you like to hear about something delicious? Of course you would. Oreo stuffed chocolate chip cookies. It's like a Cookie Utopia. Almost too good to be true, right?

Fortunately, no.

If you consider yourself an Oreo-lover in any way, shape, or form, do yourself a favor and make these. I'm hardly the baking type (at least not very often), but when I saw this recipe I had to try it. These are made with chocolate-creme-filled Oreos since that's all I had handy. I hid them away in the back of the pantry, hoping they'd last longer. (:

Oreo Stuffed Chocolate Chip Cookies
from the recipe at Very Culinary

Ingredients:
1 cup (2 sticks) softened butter
3/4 cup packed light brown sugar
1 cup granulated sugar
2 large eggs
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
3 1/2 cups flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 package Oreo cookies

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
In a large bowl, cream butter, brown sugar, and granulated sugar with a mixer until well combined. Beat in eggs and vanilla.
In a medium bowl mix flour, salt, and baking soda. Slowly add to wet ingredients along with chocolate chips until just combined.
With a cookie scoop, form balls with the dough.
Place one ball on top of an Oreo cookie, and another on the bottom. Seal edges together by pressing and cupping with hands until the Oreo is fully enclosed in dough. (Note: use just enough dough to cover the whole Oreo, no more...they end up big enough as it is.)

Place unto parchment lined baking sheets and bake cookies for approximately 13 minutes or until golden brown. (Note: mine definitely took long than 13 minutes, so check as you go...but don't over-bake or the bottoms will burn.)
Let cool for 5 minutes before transferring to cooling rack.

Makes 24 ginormous cookies.

And friends, when I say ginormous, that's exactly what I mean. So huge that if you eat too much cookie dough during the baking process, you won't even have room for a whole one. (Yes, I speak from personal experience.) Grab them with a glass of milk for the ultimate midnight snack. Perfection. <3

Carpe Diem

2011-10-09T12:16:00.000-04:00

On Friday evening, everything about outside called my name. We've been having extremely odd weather here for the past week--and by that, I mean it's beautiful. Beautiful for October. Sunny and warm and absolutely cloudless.

And that also indicates that golden hour has been blissful these past couple days. I'd been itching to go out in the cornfield down our road and capture some sunlight, so I finally did.

You know how you're not really supposed to go into a cornfield in case you get lost in it?

Well, I did anyway. Carpe diem, you know. Seize the day.

But even though weaving my way among the stalks and beams of light was truly lovely, the amazing part was when I came to a clearing in the corn behind the first number of rows. Yes, this lovely amazing gorgeous field catching the burning rays of sun before they slip behind the trees and out of sight. It took my breath away.

Tramping around outside was honestly all worth it even if I had just gotten this one photograph.

I love moments like that. When I'm not even expecting to get this kind of photo, but it takes me by surprise. It's delightful. I think maybe, this is why I keep on snapping away.

Carpe diem, yes. But also, seize the moment.

<3,

Jenn

ps--new blog design! yes/no/other thoughts?

pps--entering this photo in Katie's iLove challenge and Francesca's sparkling saturday challenge. you better believe I love me some golden hour sunshine.

a final farewell

2011-10-04T11:25:00.000-04:00

It seems as if it was just yesterday that summer was in full swing, and here it is. October.

I feel as if September was my last hold on summer--the last bit of freedom and sunshine--and now that it's gone, that hold is gone too.

But oh, how October ushers in the beauty of autumn. I feel like I've been reunited with an old friend.

Too bad such things are always bittersweet, because meanwhile, I can't help wondering where summer went.

How did it slip through my fingers like that? Slip through and blow away on a wind that is now musky and spicy and full of fall.

Now there is rain. So I pull out my boots and sweaters and listen to the romance that is rain on the roof.

Each day the leaves are a richer shade, and each day the flowers slowly close and disappear.

My, time does fly. It's astounding how fast these seasons change.

They hardly leave me time to soak in their magic before they bid me goodbye until next year.

But even if the old magic is gone, a new magic is coming to take its place, so that it won't be too terribly missed.

Leaving behind the fast-paced swinging dance of summer that consists of blinding sunshine, splashes of water, bold colors, cool lemonade, breathing hard and long and fast, loud laughter...

Instead of these things, we look ahead.

We look to a steady waltz of autumn that is full of warm steamy apple cider, bonfires, crisp starry nights, scarves, the biggest hugs, genuine smiles, deep breaths of cold fresh air that make me glad to be alive.

A final farewell to you, summer.

these are a few of my favorite things

2011-09-30T16:36:00.000-04:00

In English class, my professor put us into groups and commanded us to talk about our different writing methods. One of which was--what do you do to get over writer's block? Me: I ramble and rant until something sensible comes out of it. I think I can oftentimes agree with playwright Christopher Fry: "My trouble is that I'm the sort of writer who only finds out what he is getting at by the time he's got to the end of it." Just as clarification, I don't actually have writer's block now. But rambling...let's just say that it comes naturally to me.

---

Speaking of class, I've been having this little self-conscious period with myself that's really quite ridiculous. Because I'm going to a local community college full-time even though I'm still in high school, I'm the "little kid." I hate being the little kid...hate being known and stereotyped as such. I do my best put on the front of being a college freshman. But it doesn't always work. Long story short, this one super nice guy in my English class that I'd been talking to each class discovered my little secret. Sadness.

I feel as if all teenagers are constantly focusing on getting older--growing up--or at least looking like it. Sure, I feel that way sometimes, but not around my close friends. Heck, I have friends in such an age range that my feeling-like-the-little-kid-ness and feeling-like-the-big-kid-ness are kinda balanced out by now.

---

I have been listening to a lot of House of Heroes and Twenty One Pilots, and little else. Did I ever tell you...no I don't think I did! A couple weeks ago I went to a [free] House of Heroes and Twenty One Pilots concert, all for House of Heroes of course. They were great.

And I got to meet Tim Skipper afterward. :)

What surprised me though was Twenty One Pilots. I hadn't really listened to them before, and while their part of the concert ended being a little too chaotic for me (SO.MUCH.CROWD.SURFING), I have since been listening to their music. It's not what I usually call "my type" at all, but I like it. It's unique and clever.

---

ALSO! The weekend after that happened, I got to see Tenth Avenue North in concert. <3 I love them, seriously. I'm pretty sure they have written a song for every time of my life that I've been through. They're my comfort music. I wanted to find them afterwards and give them all big hugs and say, "Thank you and I love you," but I didn't know where they got off to. Still, it was wonderful, and I was in the very front row--meaning Mike came down and was basically singing in my face.

---

Sometimes it's good to take a break from my busy schedule, stick a piano roll into our player piano, and sing oldies with Tess at the top of my lungs.

---

My mom has been for a long while in the slow and steady process of redecorating our living room. We have this huge cozy perfect armchair that has been my precious for as long as I can remember. Only, it's pink. So now that the theme of the room has been changed to purples and browns, the chair is being recovered in purple material. In other words, it's gone temporarily and I have no comfy armchair to snuggle into for studying or reading or typing or napping.

---

This is me being half creatively photographically artistic, and half vain. Heehee.

---

Emma. We've had a couple weeks of rehearsal, and I'm having such fun. There was, of course, a little trepidation about having to be the main character and the pressure that infers but honestly, I love Emma so much that it's all good. I'm SO happy to be her--I just can't get over how good God is to give me the part of this character that I adore so much. We laugh a lot at rehearsals. Oh, and I'm just beginning to realize that I'm going to have to work hard to balance college homework and memorizing/studying 330 lines.

---

Some of you may recognize this girl and her blog. A couple weeks ago, we got talking about...well, The Help at first, and then various other things that we have in common (there seem to be lots...). Since both of us have never written someone we don't know personally but have always wanted that kind of penpal, guess what happened? YES--we decided to be snail mail penpals, which even now has me super excited. I got my second letter from her yesterday and it made my day. Of course.

---

I don't think this is going much of anywhere else, so I'm going to take my leave. Besides, it's about time to get out of my pjs if I have to go babysit tonight. Did you catch my Friday favorites?

What are some of your favorite things that you've been up to lately? And can you believe that October starts tomorrow? Sheesh, time does fly.

The Help

2011-09-26T13:27:00.000-04:00

Dear, dear me. This review is so long overdue, and honestly, I've put it off so long because I just don't know how to describe all of the wonderful brilliance of this story.

I read The Help after a friend lent it to my mom and sister, and the two of them raved about it. I think I was through it in two or three days--I just couldn't put it down. It's Kathryn Stockett's very first novel, and it's incredible--seriously the best modern fiction I've come across in awhile. Set in the 1960s when discrimination and racism were rampant and the Civil Rights movement was getting underway, this book tells the story of three women.

Aibleen is the maid who tries to follow the rules, bite her tongue, and do her job. She minds her own business, except when it comes to Mae Mobley, the little white girl she raises who gets no love from her mama.

Minny is Aibleen's best friend, but she's never been good at keeping her tongue under check. Her story begins when she loses her job with Hilly Holbrook, the conniving woman who would like to control every white woman's thoughts and treat every black woman as horribly as she can get away with.

Skeeter has just graduated from college, and isn't as interested in husband-hunting as her mother would like. Instead, she wants to write--she wants to write something important. She wants to collect the stories from black maids like Aibleen and Minny on what it's really like to work for white families.

But it's risky business, going against society--and Hilly--like that.

After devouring the book, I couldn't wait until the movie came out (I might have watched the trailer multiple times when I was bored. Maybe.). When it finally did, my mom, Cassie, and I all went to the movie theater to see it. It was packed there. I'm telling you, this story is popular. We couldn't all sit together because it was already so filled up.

The Help was one of those rare movies that actually did a decent job at following the book from which it came. There were, of course, things that needed to be changed/shortened/taken out, but altogether I was satisfied with how well it followed the novel (and trust me, if I'm satisfied, that says something).

But even besides that, it was just a good movie. Just like it was a good book. The movie made me crack. up. at certain places, and at other times I wanted to cry. But most of the time I'm pretty sure I sat there grinning from ear to ear stupidly in love with the story and everything.

Note: the only thing objectionable in the movie is some language. But it could be worse, and it kinda gives the realistic feel for the time, if you know what I mean.

Viola Davis as Aibleen--oh she was wonderful. Well, I'm going to say that about all of them. When she had Mae Mobley repeat back to her the "You is smart. You is kind. You is important." phrase, I wanted to burst into tears; it was so sweet.

Minny was played by Octavia Spencer, and she portrayed the sassy best friend hilariously. Some of her best scenes are when her sarcastic comments go right over the head of Celia.

Celia Foote is the blondest girl ever who just wants to be able to cook but has secrets to hide nonetheless. Jessica Chastain as Celia wasn't exactly what I had pictured, but she did an excellent job and was really funny.

Bryce Dallas Howard as Hilly was absolutely despicable. Ohh, I wanted to hurt Hilly so bad throughout the entire book, and Howard did a good job of making Hilly horrid and nasty but not a two-dimensional villian; she sincerely thinks her cruelty is justified. Dang I hate her.

And now, as for Emma Stone, who played Skeeter. She wasn't really what I had pictured either, but she ended up fitting the part very well, accent and all. Plus, I like Emma Stone anyway (don't know why since I hadn't actually seen her in anything before this...=p). The frizzy-haired, madly-writing, trying-to-find-her-place-and-make-a-difference character of Skeeter was perfect, even if different from what I expected.

I also have to add that personally, one of my favorite things about the movie was Sissy Spacek playing Hilly's mother, Mrs. Walters. She was hysterical.

I loved all the 60s fashion too--the cute dresses, colorful pants, and poofy hair. It was great.

Basically, all in all, you should go read The Help and watch The Help. That is the long and short of it. You won't regret it, I promise.

And if you've read or seen it/when you do, I want to know what you think and if you love it as much as me. (:

what's in a name?

2011-09-23T11:24:00.000-04:00

There's something to a name. Do you know what I mean? You are your name. It doesn't define you, yet...it does. It is you. And there's sometime to be said for the actual use of it, I think. When you want to know someone, you start by knowing their name. And there's a special something--subconscious, perhaps--when someone doesn't just talk to you generally, but they use your name.

Yours. It belongs to you. Or maybe, you belong to it.

Think about it. There are people I know who rarely say my name. Not that it bothers me at all...it's just something I've been musing over. How much better is it when someone not only says, "Hi," but "Hi Jenn"? It adds a meaning, a depth, a recognized individuality. A level of something that shows that the person speaking your name cares.

It maybe...almost...shows that that person wants to know you. Starting with that most basic and key of things--your name. Starting by reaching out in that personal way. Starting by acknowledging that they've begun to know who you are.

Your closest friends come up with their own names for you. You don't give your name to people you want to avoid. There's something truly special and meaningful about the name that is attached to your person and personality.

I believe in using people's names. If you know it and if you know them, speak it. After all, why not?

Think of when God says our names. He called Moses by name, from the burning bush, and great things took place. He called Samuel by name, at night, and got his attention. And us, even us, he calls by name and saves.

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. Isaiah 43:1

God's word tells us over and over and over again to call on God's name. It has power. And when he gives us his name, we have that power in his name.

Revelation reiterates countless times how our names will be made new--we will be recreated--no longer identifying with our mortal sinful selves, but with a God who is eternal and perfect. And the ones who get a new name? The ones who are given God's name? How are they described?

Victorious. Triumphant, joyful, purposefully winning, in Jesus. The victorious are rewarded for their perseverance and faith. For following even when hope looks lost and far away.

what if I told you we were so far away?
what if I told you--would you go with me anyway?
what if I told you we were so far, so far away?
--
we gotta hold onto hope
in this heartless world we gotta hold onto hope

That last book of the Bible spells it out. And look how important that name feature is: for those victorious--Jesus will never blot out your name from the book of life, but acknowledge it before the Lord. Wowzers.

To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God. // The one who is victorious . . . I will write on them the name of my God and the name of the city of my God . . and I will also write on them my new name. // Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children. // To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat down with my Father on his throne. // To the one who is victorious and does my will to the end, I will give authority over the nations. // The one who is victorious . . . I will never blot out the name of that person from the book of life, but will acknowledge that name before my Father and his angels.

Beautiful, no? But one of my very favorite verses is this one:

To the one who is victorious, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give that person a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to the one who receives it. Revelation 2:17

A white stone, with a new name, known only by me and Jesus. That name--I'm telling you--that name has got to be something extraordinary. And not only is that name wonderful, it is individual. Jesus gives it just to me. He has called me by name. And so I follow.

dear God, I was terribly lost
when the galaxies crossed
and the sun went dark
dear God, you're the only north star
I would follow this far
--
for he is the saving grace of the galaxies
he is the saving grace of the galaxies

It's just astounding, isn't it? The fact that Jesus calls me, calls you, personally. "Jesus did not die for all of us; he died for each of us." And take a look at this:

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 1 Peter 2:9

God's special possession. oh.my.gawsh. I, Jennifer Noelle, am God's special possession. Chosen. It's a crazy beautiful thing, this name-calling.

lyrics from "so far away" by house of heroes and "galaxies" by owl city.

How Many Times

2011-09-20T12:34:00.000-04:00

entering this photo of my beeeaUtiful friend Ruthie into "a touch of sun" photo challenge at iheartfaces.

isn't her hair the most unfair thing you have ever seen in your life??

I wonder why it is that my poetic inspirations always strike at roughly 1am. Hmm. I need to work on the coordination of that a little.

Also, with the prodding of my sister, I wrote chords to this and made into a song.

Thoughts, anyone?

How many times have I curled in a ball

Watching and waiting as the world falls

On my shoulders

Like an eight-ton boulder

How many days have I stood in the rain

Under the hurt and the fear and the pain

As tears and rain mingle

And I wait for one single

Day

To wipe away

The stains and the scars

With which my heart is marred

How many nights have I cried until sleep

Morning brings reminder, not relief

From the confusion

Is it just an illusion?

How many times have I turned numb

Knowing I need something—Someone

But it’s too great a cost

I’m alone and I’ve lost

My mind

I need to find

My way through this mess

But I only can guess

How many cases have I caved in

Bruised and battered and torn by my sin

And my heart breaks

How long can I fake?

How many hours have I wished it gone

Known to get up, push forward, go on

My strength fails

I just want to bail

And sigh

Time ticks by

Wasted and forgotten

Riddled with my questions

How many moments have I asked You why

As I struggle and flail and bitterly cry

You stand in place

Tears stream down Your face

How many instances have I been so blind

“Those who seek—they will find”

Yet I fail to see

Wrapped up only in me

Myself

Soon there’ll be none left

But my struggles and wars

I can’t fight anymore

How many times has the fear held me tight

Gasp and grasp and reach as I might

How many times have I pushed You away

Because I refused to see the light of theday

And the guilt gives no rest

Though I’m trying my best

Pain won’t set me free

I can’t seem to see

I’m losing, I’m losing, I feel so alone

I’m lost, tired, broken, in need of ahome

And—

You touch me—that is all

But it’s enough to break my fall

How many times have you lifted my eyes

To yours and they take me by surprise

Filled with love and tears

You never left all those years

How many times have you shown me yourgrace

As you wipe the tears from off of my face

Youdidn’t give up on me

And now I can see

At last

Pain’s not past

But you whisper a bet:

“Darling, there is hope yet”

wanderlust: Northeast USofA

2011-09-16T12:04:00.000-04:00

Part two of what I have previously called our epic, long, exhausting, thrilling, wonderful family vacation took place in the northeastern states after we made our way out of Canada. Even though this happened a month ago now, there are too many wonderful adventures and pictures not to share it with you.

Our first day in Maine was spent in Bar Harbor, near Acadia National Park. My dad went hiking for the day while the rest of us went to the bar (in low tide one can walk across it from an island to the mainland) and saw the town.

It rained all. day. long. without so much of a pause, so I carried an umbrella rather than a camera for most of it. We stopped for coffee, and the town of Bar Harbor itself was adorable, full of little shops and cafés. I bought myself a bracelet. =)

We also went out to view the stormy but beautiful ocean--wet all the while. There was more ocean to be seen the next day, most of which was spent driving. But we were able to stop at various beaches and coasts, and Cassie and I had mini photo shoots.

Uhhmm...no, we're not vain. Why do you ask?

Strangely enough, Maine looked just as I expected it to look. And it's not like I had any expectations going in the first place...it just looked very much as Maine ought to.

Even with it's beautiful coastline, Maine has pathetic little lighthouses. They were short and squat.

During this leg of the trip, Grant and I were making our way through all three movies of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, watching them on his iPod. Just making things more epic, you know. When we got to the house where we were staying in Portland, Maine, Grant and I both slept up in the loft and stayed up much too late watching it. ;]

Grant and I have a very special relationship. He's my brother...my younger brother, so that often makes for trouble, but seriously, I love this guy. He's so much fun to be around.

Awesome reflection in his spiffy shades here:

We did a ton of wading and picture-taking, as you can see.

My little sisters are so adorable.

We didn't actually see the city of Portland until the next day, when we spent a bit off time exploring its cobblestone streets and expensive shops.

Then there were of course more beaches to be visited, more wading to be done, more photos to be taken. And more sad, short lighthouses to laugh at.

And then the drive to Boston, with its lovely view, began.

From the first, Boston was one of the places I was most looking forward to seeing. With its history and everything, it just appeals to me. So I was excited.

I can't get over how hilariously awkward this picture is.

We rode the metro or subway, which is also called the T, into Boston. In the station, we saw this sign.

Ahahahaa, it's the best ever. See, our family has this joke where we call trolleys "Charlies" because that is how Tess pronounced it when she was little (I'm pretty sure we've confused her so much that she doesn't know the difference anymore). I don't know what these Charlie tickets are for, but it totally made my day.

We walked part of the Freedom Trail through Boston, seeing old state halls, government buildings, libraries, and historical sites such as the place that the Boston Massacre took place.

I find old graveyards fascinating. We got to see where John Winthrop, John Hancock, Samuel Adams, Paul Revere, Benjamin Franklin, and various Boston Massacre victims were buried. It makes history very real.

My younger siblings had a fun time eating in the park, which included throwing food on the ground until we had a whole entourage of squirrels and pigeons ready to attack us for more.

There were many beautiful old parts of town that we got to see, and we also drove through Harvard, which is like a town of its own. That night we visited with an old friend of my mom's--one she worked with as a flight attendant back in the day. We had dinner with her and her family, and the next day headed out into Boston again.

Following the Freedom Trail the next day, we saw the USS Constitution, the oldest warship still afloat. We also visited Old North Church, the famous place where the lanterns were hung for Paul Revere, and Paul Revere's house itself.

There were gardens and statues and history everywhere.

The Bunker Hill monument was the high point of the day...literally. We climbed 294 steps to the top (where there was a shaft one could look down all the way to the bottom), and man--that many steps makes you realize how out of shape you are! I was dying at about 75. ;P

But the view [and sense of accomplishment] was worth it. There was an awesome aerial view of the city and the St. Charles River.

After that we walked past more old buildings, quaint shops, and statues and fountains back to Fanuiel Hall, where there were touristy shops and booths and markets.

This was my movie star day. So-called because I was wearing my movie star color (it's the one that's the best on me =]) and what with my scarf and skirt, I felt pretty. Always a good thing.

After dinner with my dad's cousin, falling into bed, and actually being able to sleep in a bit, we headed out for our last vacation day. Oddly enough, for the past five or so days I had been having super long, vivid dreams. Weird and random, I know.

Our last day was relaxing and perfect, spent at a New Hampshire beach, swimming [geez is that water cold], eating, tanning, reading, photographing. My memory card reached its capacity that day--perfect timing.

The ocean is my friend. And this photo makes me want to believe that we rule the world.

After that, we concentrated on packing up for the long ride home. As good and amazing as everything was, I was so ready to sleep in my own bed and not to live out of a suitcase.

And that is all. Our extensive and wonderful vacation, full of ups and downs.

"The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page." -St. Augustine

best night of my life.

2011-09-09T14:21:00.000-04:00

LaborDay Family Camp. That’s where I was lastweekend, and let me tell you…I honestly had just about the best time of mylife. No exaggeration. (<-- I can’t believe I spelled thatcorrectly my first try!)

Lastyear was my first at LDFC, as it is called. It’s a church camp for a church that a good number of my friends go to[okay. so I know basically all the teensthere.], and I was invited for that very reason. It lasts from Friday evening until theafternoon of Monday, Labor Day itself, and it was the best weekend of mylife. Or so I thought.

Becausethis year, it was topped. Which Ithought would have been pretty much impossible. But it was all because of Sunday night, dubbed prayer night. I don’t even know how to describe it—it’s oneof those things that you really have to be there for. But it’s an incredible several hours ofworship and prayer and God is just…there.

Lastyear I just prayed and cried, because that’s what I do. ;P Halfof the people (and I speak for the teens…my friends…because I honestly have noidea what went on with the adults) are huddled in groups on the floor, praying,crying, laughing, worshipping, being in God’s presence. It was similar this year, but also…different. Amazing, but calmer, and slower. In a good way.

Itstarted out with a bunch of good worship before people started to breakdown. I was able to talk and pray withseveral of my friends, all the while crying myself, because that’s what Ido. ;P But then something happened that didn’t happen last year—a couplefriends prayed for me. Which was amazing and needed and justgood. After that, I was sitting with myfriends Sara and Rebekah, and Rebekah thought out loud that we should go findsomeone else to pray for. I saidsomething that had kind of been pressed on my heart all evening—that I felt Ineed to pray for Philip, a friend of mine that’s a couple years younger and anawesome guy. Rebekah immediatelyreplied, “Me too!” so we jumped up to find him.

Thethree of us found him, and our prayer started out a little slow because wedidn’t really know where to start. Butafter Philip told us something he could use prayer for and as people startedjoining our little prayer circle on the floor, it was just explosive.

I’m notone of those people that just feels the Holy Spirit on a regular basis. Sure, I know Jesus is there—and I cry,because that’s what I do. ;P But man, sitting there in that circle, Icould FEEL it. There was this tension like spiritual warfarewas going on, and Rebekah just stated, “There’s a barrier, guys, and we’regoing to break it down.” It was justcharged with energy and emotion and it was awe-ing.

It justbroke loose—people kept getting encouraging words, verses (my Bible was passedaround), songs (my friend Matt sang at least three for us)…it wasincredible. We just sat there and listenedto God and encouraged Philip, all while being amazed ourselves by my Jesus’LOVE. Matt just sat there between thetimes singing and laughed and said, “God loves me! God LOVES me!” We started making people raise their hands in order to talk because so many people had things to say all at once.

Ahh,there are no words. I was justbeautiful. And that barrier? It was gone. Jesus came, and it left us all feeling like we needed to go screamingthrough a field and yelling, “JESUS LOVES ME!” And then the major thing that was different from last year: I was happy. Last year was good. But this year was good and happy. I haven’t felt that kind of “God is good” happiness in too long a time.

Andafter that…after prayer night ended…we all went back to the campgrounds to hangout around the bonfires. There arealways several bonfires, but being the group-hopper I am, I of course couldn’tjust stay at one. Besides, a lot ofpeople wanted to just sit and talk, and I was too happy for that. =) Andyes, if you’re wondering, happy soon turned into hyper.

It wasthis night that something else excessively amazing happened. My director—the one I did Little Women with—calledwith the casting information about Emma,the play they’re doing this year that I auditioned for last week. It’s Jane Austen’s Emma, yeah you know, the one I adore. And guess what? I’M EMMA! I got the lead role and will be playing Emma Woodhouse!!! I am beyond excited/happy/thrilled/pumped. Rehearsals start next week and performancesare in January.

Soafter jumping up and down and screaming with my friends Reagan and Rebekah (thiswas about 1 in the morning, folks), explaining to Philip that Emma was both thename of my character and the play (me: “I’m Emma!” Philip: “COOL! In what play?” me: “Emma!” Philip: “Yeah, but what play?” me: “EMMA!” Philip: “YES I know who you are going to be,but in what?” …it took Rebekah to explain it), the four of us headed to abonfire where we were both happy and slaphappy.

Plus wehad Philip’s leather jacket, which made everything more legit. And we talked about bacon and skittles. And went skipping backwards. It was a night well-spent.

Honestly,adding the prayer and Jesus to the hyper and happy to the friends and jokes, itwas one of the best nights of my life. If not the best. And I’m not evenkidding.

*sigh* See, in all those words up there, I still don’tfeel as if I did that epic night justice. It was just incredible. God is SOGOOD.